This is a great account recorded by my
mother, Linda Frye Hartley, in her journal in 1990. She wrote about a trip she
took to Israel and other countries, but with a backdrop of challenges relating
to raising children and dealing with her own learning disabilities. Her account
helps strengthen my faith and also increases my admiration for her. Below are
my mother's own words:
The Answer In The Upper Room
 |
| My parents Linda and Jim Hartley, June 1990 Garden of Gethsamane in Jerusalem |
My husband Jim and I had the once in a lifetime
opportunity to go to Israel, Italy and Egypt in mid-1990. This was a three week
"Lands of the Scriptures" workshop that goes on annually for
employees at Jim's workplace. We visited many historical and ancient biblical sites
that were awesome and breathtaking. To
witness such timeless beauty and remarkable talent of Michelangelo, Bernini,
Egyptian kings and craftsmen, is of itself impossible to put into words. I was stunned by it all--civilization after
civilization producing such unique and endless character in sculpture, art and
architecture. To see such prodigious
wonders of this world made me stop to think how superior they were in comparison
to my "weakly" abilities. Though I felt amazement and appreciation
for this beauty, I also felt a bit depressed. Then I felt a minute part of the grandiose of the Lord's intelligence
and omniscience. Again, I was struck with awe and reverence.
Although our trip was very pleasant and
the children were at home with a nanny, I had continual mixed emotions during
the tour. First, I was deeply concerned and worried over one of our teenaged children
going through a difficult time with drug abuse and intense discord toward a
family member. This really dampened my spirits while I was there. I put on a
happy face most of the time, but deep down I was worried. How was I supposed to
cope?
Second, about two-three years prior to
the trip, I was acquainted with Dr. Frances Wright. She specialized in
behavior/education problems. As I got to know her better and started to tell
her some of my difficulties in learning and listening situations, she tested me
and confirmed my assumptions. I have a few learning disabilities that make it
very difficult for me to listen and retain what I hear. She called it an
integration problem. I have a hard time coping with visual and auditory stimuli
coming at me at once. So, I don't always remember what is being said. I need to
focus completely on what is being said and give my undivided attention to the
speaker. Lectures or any form of auditory plus visual information coming to me
all at once is not easily processed.
This frustration was felt quite a bit on
the trip. Such an immense amount of information was being given and I had no
way of remembering it all. Since I have a problem with writing and listening
simultaneously, I could not always write in full what I heard. I completely
lost the "jist" of the story or only remembered it shortly. If
someone talked too fast, I couldn't remember what was said, especially if it
was on a topic I'm not familiar with!
There were often times I'd get so
frustrated with myself because Jim was retaining the information much better
than I. He could connect the places with
the stories. I was embarrassed constantly by continually asking Jim to remind
me of what places we went to and who did what, when. Even though Dr. Wright
told me my learning disabilities have nothing to do with my intelligence, I
still felt so stupid and incompetent. Dr. Wright reminded me frequently not to
compare myself to others because they may have a “functioning system.”
Sometimes I dwelled too much on my
inadequacies to fully enjoy what I had previously studied for this trip. I really
don’t know if “normal” intelligent people can empathize with this inability. We
all complain of fading memories, but people have no idea what this frustration
is like. You have an unquenchable urge to remember, to retain, to sort, to
enjoy -- but it all gets “tangled up” so much in your head that the frustration
is almost unbearable.
In my nightly prayers, I would pour out
my soul to the Lord that I would understand and remember these precious bits of
information, and that our rebellious child would be safe from harm. Well, no
miracles happened. The Lord saw fit not to answer my prayer about my learning
struggles at this time. But no matter. We all have our crosses to bear
occasionally. I need to be patient and exercise my faith more in Heavenly
Father’s wisdom and timing of His answers.
 |
| The "Upper Room" in Jerusalem |
I had the most remarkable spiritual
experience overlooking the area where the Sermon on the Mount took place and
also at the Upper Room in Jerusalem. While one of the ladies from Group A was
singing, "I Walked Today Where Jesus Walked," a strong yet gently burning
in my bosom overtook me. I felt a peace -- no words, no voices, nor dramatic
melodies. I felt an increase of love from my Savior -- a certain, unmistakable
closeness that He was right there next to me understanding my pain and
frustrations. I was moved to tears and
felt compassion from Him. What a
powerful moment in my life!
The most spiritual and powerful, yet
unexpected event that took place on this trip and in my life thus far, was when
our group had a sacrament meeting. It
was on the "Sabbath" or Saturday. It was held in the "Upper Room," a place where the Last Supper
took place (the location was not 100% certain, but I was glad to be there
anyway)! The room was not gorgeously decorated or beautifully designed. In
fact, I was a bit disappointed when I walked in. Plaster was peeling off the
wall, the walls looked so dingy-white. It was rather a blah, unimpressive first
impression.
And then it happened.
While Garry Moore was giving his talk, I
was nearly overwhelmed, if not almost knocked over, with an incredible warmth
or heat that filled my entire body. I pity the people around me who saw me crying
softly yet continuously. No one else was crying! I felt really awkward and Jim turned to me
and asked, "Linda, are you alright? Did I say something wrong?" I said, "No," and I kept on crying.
This beautiful warm feeling was indeed
my Savior “speaking” to me. I knew somehow that our precious child would be
alright and not to worry. I knew my Heavenly Father's love for me and His Son's
love for me that evening. I felt that burning for a whole hour and a half! The
words from the hymn, "I Stand All Amazed" best describe how I felt.
"Oh it is wonderful, that he has cared for me enough to die for me. Oh it
is wonderful, wonderful to me."
When the meeting was over, the intense
warmth left. What a testimony I received that the Lord Jesus Christ and our
Father in Heaven love us. How wonderful it would have been to be in that very
room with the Savior before he died. But then again, perhaps I had a personal
witness what it really was like because I experienced it now!
Whoever reads my journal, I would like
them to know that I know God lives and loves us, and that his Son, Jesus Christ
is indeed the Savior and Redeemer of the world. Our Heavenly Father and his
Son, Jesus Christ, know our deepest fears, frustrations and joys. They care for
us and gently lead us along. I have felt this divine love and have a testimony
that these things are true, and that His restored gospel is indeed the only
true gospel here on earth. I believe with all my heart that Ezra Taft Benson is
a true and living prophet today who leads and directs this church. I know
without a doubt that the Book of Mormon is true. It teaches us many great and
wonderful truths if we are just diligent in studying the scriptures. I leave
with you this testimony in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
June 1990
Linda Frye Hartley
Edited for clarification and grammar, September
10, 2017
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