My Mother Linda Hartley - Miscarriage and Prophetic Dreams

Angela Hartley, June 20,1988

My mother, Linda Hartley, wrote a letter to a niece over five years ago about her experience of having a miscarriage in 1986. It was a very sad time for her then. My mother's experience with a miscarriage has helped humble me, but it has also strengthened my faith in the wisdom and timing of God. My father, Jim Hartley, adapted the letter and wrote the following story below: 

Linda F. Hartley: Miscarriage and Prophetic Dreams—The Lord Knows What He Is Doing

I miscarried two years before I gave birth to my daughter, Angela. That miscarriage was one of the most devastating experiences of my life! In contrast, Angela’s birth was truly a tender mercy from heaven…and the fulfillment of two prophetic dreams.

In 1986, we were a family of seven: Jason (12), Taylor (8), Andrea (6), Brent (5), Tom (2), my husband, Jim, and I. When my daughter, Andrea, was born, I knew I wanted to have another girl so she would have a sister. Not long after that, I had a dream about a little girl. She and I were at a neighbor’s house. She was perhaps five years old, maybe older, and had long hair. She was running from the neighbor's yard to our home. Even though I only saw her from the back, I knew she was ours. Later, when I became pregnant, I was excited with the anticipation of having another girl. It turned out to be our son, Brent. I was happy to have another child, but truthfully, I was deeply disappointed that he wasn’t the little girl of my dream. My husband, Jim, joked, "When Linda dreams of a girl, we'll get a boy!"

After Brent was born, I had another dream. I saw a beautiful little baby girl dressed in a long, white blessing gown. She was propped up on a barstool and smiling. When I woke up, I eagerly told Jim of my dream. He said, "That means we'll have another boy." Sure enough, three years after Brent’s birth, our son, Tom, was born. So, I decided that those dreams of a daughter were probably just crazy, wishful thinking on my part.

After Tom’s birth, I assumed that we were done having children. But, one time, while kneeling for family prayer, I had an impression that there was someone missing from our family, and, after the prayer, I said so to my family. About two years after Tom’s birth, I became pregnant. Could it be my dream girl?

Sometime in December 1985, I was having serious complications with the pregnancy. I did not want to lose this baby, so I asked Jim for a priesthood blessing. During the blessing, Jim paused for quite some time and then proceeded to promise me that I would be fine.

I was devastated on January 4, 1986 when I miscarried. On that day, I went into painful labor for about an hour. I began bleeding and hurried into the bathroom. Before I could sit down, I heard a little thump. The little precious being was on the floor, laying on its back, looking so peaceful. I went into shock and said, "The baby's cold—I need to get a blanket." Jim hurried in to find me in a daze and babbling. I was in such a deep state of shock that Jim needed to gently shake me and softly, but bluntly say, "Linda, the baby is dead." Jim reverently collected and wrapped the little fetus while I cleaned myself up and dressed. We then drove to the hospital. I was numb with shock and pain, and I cried uncontrollably. The hospital nurses told us they couldn't tell why I miscarried or the gender of the baby because it was only about 12 weeks old. I was devastated that I had lost the baby. Even though it wasn’t logical, emotionally I felt like a complete failure as a woman. It was a day of total sadness.

I grieved just like any person would grieve over a lost loved one, and my grief went on for over a year. I remember many nights when, after my husband was asleep, I would go quietly into the living room and pour out my soul to the Lord. One night in particular, my prayer was unusually long and enormously gut-wrenching for me. I pleaded with every ounce of my being that God would please send his tender mercies and give me comfort. I hoped with all my heart that I wasn’t yet done with childbearing, and that we could have one more child. I told God my dreams of a little girl, and begged him that he would send us a daughter.

During those dark days, Jim revealed to me that he knew I would miscarry. When he gave me a priesthood blessing the previous December, the Spirit of God had told him that I would lose the baby, but he was forbidden to tell me because of how terribly upsetting it would be to me. That was why there was a long pause during his blessing. It was extremely difficult for him, knowing what he did and he couldn’t tell me. But, when he did, I knew that God loved me and I felt comfort about the miscarriage. Even so, my grief didn’t go away.

Just a few weeks after my soul-wrenching prayer, I was delighted to learn that I was pregnant. (I had given most of my baby things away prior to that prayer—probably not a great act of faith on my part!) Would this be my dream daughter?

In those days, there was no way to fully determine the gender of the baby prior to birth. I became concerned when all the signs of my pregnancy pointed to another boy. Even the doctor and nurses who gave me prenatal care thought it would be a boy. Consequently, Jim and I tentatively decided on a name for the baby, Kevin Benjamin Hartley. When I went in for my delivery, I was still sad and a bit depressed—more Cub Scouts, more rain gutter regattas, and more pinewood derbies! Arrrg! When the baby was delivered, we were all completely surprised! To my sudden joy and absolute elation, out came my little dream girl!

We named her Angela because it was as if God had sent us a little angel. Interestingly, the name, Angela, means "messenger of gods." It’s a beautiful name, isn't it? I prayed her here, and we tell Angela this story many times so she knows she was wanted and dearly loved.

In hindsight, the Lord’s blessing to me through Jim came true. I was fine—in the Lord's time and in the Lord's way. Angela came during a challenging time in our family. Our sweet little angel softened the strained atmosphere and comforted us when we really needed it!

What did I learn from those experiences? The Lord knows what He's doing. The Lord's timing taught me that what the prophet Isaiah said is true: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8). I was also reminded, "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).

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Adapted by James E. Hartley from a letter written by his wife, Linda F. Hartley. The letter was written to a niece who had miscarried. The letter was dated April 29, 2012. Linda also reviewed this adaption.