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| Jim and Linda's engagement photo 1977 |
This month and year, November 2017, marks the 40th wedding anniversary
for my parents! I love their marriage story and how incredible it is. Their dedication
to each other over all these years is also inspiring to me. They are such great
examples. In light of their 40th wedding anniversary, I solicited both my parents,
Jim and Linda Hartley, to write their marriage story so it can be preserved. I hope
this can serve as a great example and inspiration to others as well! Below are my
parent's own words:
Linda Frye and Jim Hartley:
The Miracles and Conspiracies that Brought Them Together
Linda Beth Frye is the daughter of Kenneth L. Frye, Sr., a
career Naval officer, and Elizabeth Annie West, a Wyoming country girl, who
moved to the big city, Washington, D.C., where she met her husband. Linda is
the youngest of 5 children. Although born in Bethesda, Maryland, Linda grew up
in San Leandro, California.
James E. Hartley is the son of Charles A. Hartley, Jr., a
career executive with the Southern Pacific Railroad, and Norma Miner, a Utah
country girl, who moved to the big city, Salt Lake City, where she met her
husband. Jim is the youngest of 7 children. Although born in Butte, Montana,
Jim grew up in San Lorenzo, California, about 7 miles south of the Frye family.
It’s true that Linda and Jim were both raised in the same
general area, but their lives would never have connected without a series of divine
miracles…assisted by a little conspiracy on the part of their two families.
Linda’s Pact with God
At age 7, Linda contracted a fever that burned within her
little body at a very dangerous 105 degrees Fahrenheit. Her parents rushed her
to the hospital, where she was immediately immersed in a tub of near-freezing
ice water. The extreme treatment saved her life, but it was so traumatic for
Linda, it left her with a speech impairment: she stammered and stuttered. The problem
was not considered severe, but it was enough that classmates would laugh at her
when she tried to speak in class. One of the things that she feared most, was
introducing herself; she had great difficulty simply trying to say her own name.
By age 12, Linda had deep worries that no one would love and
marry her because of her speech problem. So, she made a pact with God: If God
would help her to eventually find someone who would love her and become her
husband, she would do everything in her power to overcome her stuttering and
stammering.
Linda took her part of the agreement very seriously. She was
determined to overcome the impediment. She actively participated in class
discussions at school and church, even when she could do no more than blurt out
her comments, knowing that the effort would lead to embarrassment and emotional
pain. Linda even participated in school and church stage productions and speech
contests. Soon, little miracles began happening. When on stage or at the
podium, her stuttering would completely disappear. At those times, it was as
though she had transformed into a different person.
The 1966 Speech
Contest
During Linda’s teen years, her LDS Church emphasized annual
speech contests for youth. Competition was by age groups. The first level of
competition was within the person’s congregation (in LDS jargon, the “ward”).
The winners at the ward level would advance to compete against the winners from
5 other wards. This was called the “stake” level. For three years in a row,
from age 12 to 14, Linda won her ward’s speech contests for her age group, and she
went on to win or place highly at the stake and even multi-stake levels.
In Linda’s 4th stake speech contest, May 15,
1966, a newcomer, Jim Hartley, was among her competitors. At age 13, Jim was
1-1/2 years younger than Linda and from a neighboring ward and rival high
school. This was the first time either of the two became aware of the other.
After all the speeches were delivered, Jim was completely “wowed” by the beautiful
15-year-old from San Leandro. His vote for the winner was unquestionably Linda
Frye—not just because she was gorgeous, but because of the excellent content
and presentation of her speech. So, no one was more shocked and surprised than Jim
when he was judged the winner and Linda took 2nd place. But, the
most important result of that speech contest—God’s little miracle—was that a
serious interest in Linda Frye germinated within Jim.
Unfortunately, Jim’s interest had to remain a secret. As with
most teenage girls, Linda was absolutely not interested in a younger boy from
some other high school. Linda made that very clear during her remaining teen
years. She wasn’t rude, but she hardly ever acknowledged Jim’s greetings at
dances, church pageants, and other activities; and if she did, she would often mistakenly
call him by his older brother’s name, Richard. Nevertheless, for Jim, the seed of
interest in Linda was firmly planted.
The Revelation of Normal
Non-Fluency
Linda’s quest for perfect fluency continued well after the
1966 speech contest. It continued into her college years. While at the
University of Utah, Linda majored in speech pathology, thinking that she might
like to work with children and adults with speech challenges. While studying
for a test from a textbook on stuttering, she came across an unusual term
called “normal non-fluencies.” What she read changed her life. She learned that
it is natural and normal for everyone to trip over their own words. Even
actors, newscasters, politicians, and teachers experience normal non-fluencies.
Linda felt a peace come over her. She realized that she didn’t need to be a flawless
speaker. She gave herself permission to be imperfect in her speech. And because
she was now fluent enough, a sweet confidence entered her soul that she would,
indeed, find a good man who would love and marry her.
“Chosen for thee by
the Lord”
In December 1967, when Jim was 15 years old, he received a
special, personal blessing from God through a Church leader called the stake patriarch.
All faithful youth in the LDS Church are encouraged to receive a patriarchal
blessing in their mid- to later-teen years. Such blessings are highly
cherished. They can foretell the person’s future, and they can serve as a guide
and comfort throughout the person’s life.
Jim’s blessing was quite remarkable. Among the extraordinary
things promised him was a wife, who was described as “a handmaiden chosen for
thee by the Lord.” Those highly unusual words, “chosen for thee by the Lord,”
resonated strongly within Jim’s soul. It changed his attitude and approach to
dating. With any girl he became seriously interested in, he would prayerfully ask
Heavenly Father, “Is she the one?” From Jim’s point of view, God’s replies
weren’t always timely. But, in every case, a clear answer would eventually
come. Sometimes the answers were in the form of a changed circumstance, a voice
speaking distinctly to his mind, a dream, or a vision.
Yes, If….
Four times Jim had serious relationships with outstanding
young women whom he thought might be “the one.” In the first three
relationships, Heavenly Father ultimately indicated in one way or another, “She’s
not the one,” and their relationships never reached the engagement stage. But,
the fourth relationship did. Jim and the fourth young woman met through a blind
date during Jim’s junior year at BYU-Provo. Their relationship quickly
blossomed. As the relationship matured, Heaven’s curious answer was
consistently, “Yes, if she’ll say yes.” So, Jim put his whole soul into the relationship.
But, the young woman did not. Her commitment to Jim was on-again-off-again for
two frustrating years. When Jim graduated and left BYU, the two were engaged to
be married. He had a solid job in San Francisco, California and looked forward
to “tying the knot.” She remained in Utah. Even though they stayed in very
close contact, after only a few months of separation, the young woman once
again expressed her uncertainty. Jim was again deeply wounded. He couldn’t keep
riding an emotional rollercoaster with her. So, he told her, “If you can’t say
‘yes,’ the answer is ‘no’.” She replied, “I can’t say ‘yes.’” At that point,
Jim said goodbye and ended their relationship. To say that Jim was devastated
is an enormous understatement. He felt like his heart had been ripped out and
stomped on. He was broken and crushed, both emotionally and spiritually.
Heaven’s
Unbelievable Reply
Anguished and confused, Jim knelt in private
prayer to his Heavenly Father and poured out the sadness of his heart. As his
soul mourned, the Lord’s spirit filled his mind with sacred, calming knowledge,
including a glimpse into the future. Nevertheless, at the end of the
experience, Jim was still confused and frustrated about identifying “the one.”
Weary of searching for the chosen “handmaiden,” and feeling like a failure, Jim
desperately pleaded, “Father, who is she?” In an unexpected direct answer, a
voice clearly spoke two simple words to his mind: “Linda Frye.”
But, Jim didn’t receive that heaven-sent answer
very well. He knew that marrying Linda Frye was impossible—she was already
married! Jim was stunned and upset with himself and with God. Completely
demoralized, Jim began to seriously doubt his ability to receive answers to his
prayers and his capacity to understand God’s intentions for him. For the next
year, Jim’s life was socially and spiritually empty and dark.
The Frye’s
Basement
Jim’s employer assigned him to a major project for
an extended period on the east coast of the U.S. About mid-way through the
project, Jim’s father unexpectedly died. At his passing, Jim’s mother chose to
sell their San Lorenzo home and move to Utah. With permission from his
employer, Jim took a short leave of absence to return home, help with his father’s
probate, and assist in preparing the family home for sale. Jim knew that he
would eventually be reassigned to his firm’s home office in San Francisco. So,
with his mother moving, he needed to find a place to store his personal
belongings until his return.
Obedient to a flash of inspiration, Jim’s mom urged
him to contact her good friends, Elizabeth and Ken Frye. They had a
basement—which was highly unusual in that area because of the high water table.
Since Jim didn’t have very many things to store, the Frye’s welcomed his boxes.
When he and his older brother, Bryan, began moving Jim’s belongings into the
basement, Jim’s jaw dropped open in astonishment. There was Linda and her 2-1/2-year-old
son, Jason! Unbeknownst to Jim, Linda had already been divorced for 1 year and was
living with her parents. He and Linda talked for about an hour. Jim was dumbfounded
to learn that Linda was actually single at the time the Lord’s Spirit identified
her as “the one.”
After returning to the east coast, Jim tried to
stay in contact with Linda by regular U.S. Mail. However, soon after they began
corresponding, he wrote something that Linda misinterpreted, and she stopped
writing to him. Jim concluded that if Linda was chosen for him by the Lord, the
Lord would have to intervene somehow. And He did. After a year on the east
coast, Jim was unexpectedly transferred back to San Francisco without any place
to live. And that’s when the family conspiracy began in earnest.
An Offer Jim
Couldn’t Refuse
Jim’s mom again came to his rescue—likely with an inspired
ulterior motive—by suggesting that he stay with the Frye’s until he could find
an apartment. Their basement included a separate entry, a bedroom, ¾ bath, and
laundry. Linda’s parents readily opened their home to him, but Linda was not
happy about it.
Within two weeks, Jim had found a suitable
apartment and was on his way to sign the lease. But, Linda’s dad stopped him
and made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. Her dad explained that, in a few
months, he and his wife planned to spend 2 weeks in Utah to do genealogy
research. While they were gone, Linda’s dad wanted someone he trusted to take
care of the yards, look after the house, and be around to help Linda and her
son, Jason, if needed. So, if Jim was willing, he could continue to stay in
their basement rent-free and share in their daily family meals at no cost. Jim
readily agreed, but on two conditions: first, he insisted on at least contributing
an appropriate amount to the food budget; and second, Linda, who clearly didn’t
want him there, had to agree with the arrangement. Her dad immediately summoned
Linda and explained his plan…with Jim standing in front of her. In that
circumstance, what choice did she realistically have? Despite her true
feelings, she shrugged her shoulders, reluctantly said okay, and coolly walked
away.
“D*** It,
Linda, Pray About It!”
It soon became painfully obvious that the Frye and
Hartley families were conspiring to get Linda and Jim together. Jim was
willing, but Linda made it clear that she was not interested. She felt enormous
pressure from her family and she deeply resented their matchmaking efforts. The
harder they tried, the more she resisted. She thought Jim was arrogant and he
somehow reminded her of one of her annoying brothers. In response, Jim no
longer pursued any kind of a relationship with her. He sincerely prayed,
"Father in Heaven, it's yours. I can't do this. She's not interested. If
you want us to get together, if that spiritual experience I had a year ago is
true, you're going to have to make it happen."
One day Linda’s older sister, Cheryl, confronted
her. They discussed Linda’s resentment over the pressure her family was putting
on her to learn to like Jim. Cheryl exclaimed in deep disbelief, “Linda, you
have a real gem downstairs (referring to Jim). And you can’t see it!”
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| A bowl of Hawaiian Poi |
After that, Linda began observing Jim more
closely. She started to realize that maybe she had formed a wrong impression of
him. She especially liked the way he played with and treated her 3-year-old
son, Jason. Eventually, she acknowledged that Jim seemed to indeed meet her
“checklist” for a husband—except that she still had no romantic feelings for
him.
Despite a lack of heartthrobs, her heart softened.
She found a private place in a nearby public park—a stall in the women’s
restroom—where she followed her sister’s advice and silently poured out her
feelings to God. She then felt prompted to talk openly with Jim.
Ambushed
Jim knew nothing of Linda’s change of heart. He
had carefully avoided her. So, he was taken by complete surprise one day when walking
home from the bus stop after a long day of work. There was Linda, about a half
of a block from her house. Without any small talk or explanation, Linda simply announced,
“Jim, we need to talk. Can we go up to the Oakland Temple tonight?” Jim felt
like he had been ambushed by a lightning bolt! He wasn’t sure what to think. He
was shocked, pleased, confused, and suspicious all at the same time.
That evening, Linda directed them to a hillside
area that offered a commanding view of the beautiful Oakland LDS Temple and the
San Francisco Bay. With great courage, Linda explained to Jim that she really
liked him; that he met all of her “checklist” requirements for a husband; but,
she had no romantic feelings for him; but, she wanted to have romantic feelings; and would he be willing to spend
more time with her and actually date her a little to see if those feelings would
come? The seed that had been planted in 1966 had suddenly sprouted!
The Ball’s
in Your Court
To the delight of the Frye’s and the Hartley’s,
Jim and Linda began to spend more and more time together. But, Linda’s
heartthrobs still weren’t developing…that is, not until she went with Jim to
what she expected to be a boring Sunday evening presentation by an elderly
couple, who had just completed missionary service in India. The presentation
included slides. The lights in the LDS chapel were lowered. In the
semi-darkness, Jim slipped his arm around Linda’s shoulders. Then, kaboom! For
Linda, romantic fireworks went off, and she melted in his closeness. Heavenly
Father had answered her prayers.
Not long after that, Linda decided that Jim was
the one for her. One Sunday afternoon after church services, Jim retreated to
his basement bedroom for a quick nap before dinner. As he was drifting off,
Linda knocked at his door. “Come in.” Linda took a few steps into the room,
stopped, and then declared, “I’ve been fasting and praying. I know it’s not a
woman’s place to propose, but I’ve made up my mind and the ball’s in your
court!” She then softly exited. Any idea of napping immediately evaporated! Jim
was suddenly wide awake with nervousness and fear!
Why Not?
About a week later, Linda’s parents left for their
2 weeks in Utah. Jim was still in shock over Linda and hadn’t responded to her.
After another week, Jim was preparing to teach a Church lesson about the role
of the priesthood in the family. His father was not a member of the LDS Church
and, therefore, Jim grew up in a home without any strong priesthood influence.
But, Linda did, so he asked her what it was like. The discussion turned to what
kind of priesthood influence she expected in her own family someday. After a
few minutes of discussion, Linda got upset. With a twinge of anger in her voice,
she declared emphatically, “We’re not discussing this anymore! You’re talking
as if we were married and you haven’t even proposed to me yet.” She abruptly
got up and began leaving the room. Jim, looked heavenward and prayed, “Why
not?” He quickly stopped Linda and, with two goldfish as the only witnesses, he
uttered the miraculous words, “You’re right. Will you marry me?” (An engagement
ring would have to come later.)
I Knew It!
I Knew It!
Linda was extremely excited and wanted to immediately
telephone her parents and announce it to the ward members the next day at church.
Jim panicked. Considering the agony and grief he had experienced during his
previous unsuccessful engagement, he wanted more time to let the decision
distill on both of them. He persuaded Linda to wait until her parents returned
home the following week—after all, she didn’t want to interfere with their Utah
trip. And, her parents should be the first to know, so they shouldn’t tell
anyone else, even Jim’s family, until then. Very reluctantly, Linda agreed, and
Jim went to bed that night somewhat relieved, but extremely nervous.
The next morning an unexpected miracle occurred
and Jim’s nervousness escalated 1000-fold! Linda’s dad had come home a week early,
leaving his wife in Utah! Linda was giddy with excitement and literally pushed
Jim into the living room to have his obligatory talk with her dad. Her dad was
sitting in his favorite overstuffed chair reading the Sunday newspaper.
Struggling to act calm, Jim politely interrupted his reading and asked,
“Brother Frye, what would you think if Linda and I wanted to get married?”
He looked at Jim with a huge grin and said,
"I think it would be wonderful!" He giggled in his distinctive way
and immediately went for the telephone. "I've got to call Beth!"
After calling his wife with the news, Brother Frye
declared, "I knew it! I knew it! I knew that if we left you two alone, you
would either be engaged when we returned or you would hate each other!"
A November
Wedding, No Matter What
Linda and Jim chose to be married in the LDS
temple in Oakland, California, on November 23, 1977. Linda was ecstatic! Her
parents and family were thrilled! Jim's mom and brothers were delighted! Jim
was petrified!
Jim had been engaged before, and he needed another
miracle to convince him that Linda would remain constant in her desire to marry
him. The miracle came when Jim accepted new employment in Provo, Utah, which
required them to be apart for two months. During that time of separation, Linda
never wavered, and neither did Jim.
Another test came when Jim and Linda found out
that Linda needed a cancellation of her previous temple marriage (in LDS
jargon, a “sealing”) before they could marry in the temple. That meant Linda's
ex-husband had to write a letter explaining his feelings about the
cancellation. The Church’s First Presidency at Church headquarters would also
need to approve the cancellation, all of which normally required six or more
months.
Against the odds, acting on faith, and praying for
a miracle, Jim and Linda moved ahead with their plans for the November wedding.
If the cancellation of sealing didn't come through in time, they were prepared
to marry civilly, and then wait a year until they were approved to be sealed in
the temple.
Then the miracle happened. Linda’s ex-husband
agreed to the cancellation and later approved of Jim adopting Jason! The
persistence of Linda and her bishop with the First Presidency's office paid
off; they processed the official sealing cancellation within two weeks of the scheduled
marriage!
A Marriage
of Miracles and Conspiracy
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| Linda and Jim on their wedding day Oakland California Temple, November 23, 1977 |
The day arrived. Jim and Linda were married and
sealed for time and for all eternity in the Oakland California Temple as
planned. They can honestly say that their marriage was a result of a string of
divine miracles…aided by their conspiring families.
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| Another photo of Linda and Jim on their wedding day Oakland California Temple, November 23, 1977 |
For Linda: From stuttering to a pact with God; to
a church speech contest giving Linda her first peek at her future husband; to
Jim’s unwanted arrival at her family home; to a lecture by her sister on divine
help for a missionary to love poi; to a conscious decision to consider Jim; to a
prayer in a public bathroom stall; to a courageous hillside discussion with
Jim; to a boring missionary presentation where romantic fireworks first went
off; to a speedy cancellation of her previous marriage sealing; and, finally,
to kneeling at a sacred alter in the Oakland California Temple making eternal
covenants with Jim.
For Jim: From being “wowed” by a gorgeous
15-year-old at a Church speech contest; to a highly unusual promise in his
patriarchal blessing; to a sacred experience and a direct revelation after
breaking off a heart-wrenching engagement; to the unexpected death of his
father, the selling of his family home, and his mother’s inspired suggestion to
store his belongings at the Frye’s home; to living in the Frye basement; and to
Linda’s change of heart. A divine promise and prophecy were wonderfully fulfilled.
Now, nearly 40 years later, Jim and Linda are
still married, and the heartthrobs are still there!
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